The Break We All Need
Who missed me? 😊 Don’t be shy, I know my IG is pretty entertaining sometimes lol I’m aware that I don’t owe anyone an explanation for anything regarding my life, but in the spirit of transparency, I wanted to share a few things as I bounce back.
So, where have I been you ask? I really just needed a break y’all, and a lot of stuff just be going on … in life. There are no truer words in this time than “life just be life-ing.” So sometimes you just have to take a step back. But social media got us in such a chokehold that stepping back is challenging because we fear missing out on what’s happening with everyone else. The reality is that you are moreso missing out on YOU.
“Social media is not real,” as my husband has stated often over the years. I finally realized that he’s right. Social media is not a real place because people can ‘t always accept or reveal what is actually real there. We all know this and yet we still fall prey to comparison, covetousness, and lust. That’s not good for your mental health. Most people only post the best parts of themselves, their lives, what they want you to see & what they think we want to see - we all know that. I’m even guilty of it, but not in a way where I pretended things were good that actually were not, that’s not me. I definitely highlighted things that were really good sometimes to flex though, but also because I was needing reminders that I’m still THAT girl despite what life has thrown my way. And let’s be honest, validation feels good.
Aside from being unreal, it’s also a huge distraction. There is so much more to life than what’s going on in the lives of others. As much as I would like to say this hiatus was connected to my spirituality, it wasn’t; but in the near future, it will be because I need a deeper connection with my maker. Nevertheless, this break allowed me to reconnect with me and focus on things that truly are important to me.
So, what’s tea?
o My baby. We celebrated my son’s 3rd birthday last month (Jaithan’s a 3-Rex 🥰). Watching him develop and learn new things is so fascinating. He does or says something every day that makes me awestruck. I wish I could bottle up his brilliance and show it off to the world all of time because I’m that proud. And although he’s been earth side for over 1000 days, it’s kinda surreal; I can still recall almost every detail from the very day he got here. Of all the things, he’s my biggest flex.
o Work. I like my job but it's no longer challenging me; I'm getting bored and the reception in my office is so terrible that I rarely ever want to be there anymore. I also feel overlooked by my peers (who are all male) and I’m struggling with how to navigate that. I appreciate the change of scenery when I take a day to work from home every now and then and when I get to go play military for a while. When I work from home, I don’t feel obligated to have forced conversations with people I don’t care to have any conversation with and about the same topics or topics that I do not care to discuss. It’s truly hard for me to imagine working anywhere for more than 5 years where I am doing the exact same thing day in and day out (because I never have and don’t plan to) and somewhere I feel unseen. I’m approaching year 3 and wondering what else is out there for me ….
o Marriage. Marriage be hard! Shoutout to KevOnStage and wife Melissa - your book is on my reading list for this year! I’m human and I can admit that I don’t always make the best decisions when the proverbial “fit hits the shan.” But we have been working at this thing by getting the help we need and having the tough conversations with each other. I’m proud of that! Plus, I got my ring back! I wasn’t wearing it for the last few months because it had to be repaired after my primary stone fell out at home one morning as I was getting myself and my son ready for the day. We never found the stone and I was quite disappointed about it, after having it looked at with the jewelers all last summer! But it’s fixed now.
o Post-Miscarriage. After taking the medication prescribed by my doctor to expel the remaining uterine tissue from the non-viable pregnancy I experienced in October, I had a follow-up ultrasound a couple of weeks later to verify that the meds worked as intended. At that time, my doctor determined that the meds hadn’t worked, and I still ended up having to get the IPAS MVA procedure on November 8th. Though medicated, I was awake during the procedure and though it didn’t take long, it was not pleasant either. The “remaining tissue” that was removed was sent off for testing (which I was unaware of at the time) and when the results came back, my doctor informed me that what she had seen on the ultrasound previously was polyps, and not any remaining tissue from the pregnancy. So, the medication had actually worked and in hindsight, there had been no need for the IPAS MVA procedure after all … but you never can be too safe. Thankfully, I wasn’t in any pain after the procedure and I got a few hours of really good, uninterrupted sleep lol Send me a personal message if you’re interested in what I’m trying out now ….
o Legal Matters. I’m still pursuing legal action against an individual who shall remain nameless and that I will not go into further details about until it’s over. And I’m ready for it to be OVER! So if you’re reading this (because I know you are), stop wasting my and the court's time and RUN ME MY COINS boo!!!
o Education. I should be preparing/studying for a high-level IT security certification but I find it hard to study. Honestly, I’ve never been that good at studying because I got used to being smart and just “getting it” in most subjects. And that’s not a flex … ok maybe a slight flex lol. Now, I really loathe studying, even if it’s a subject I like or am interested in. I have postponed this exam twice though since November, which cost me $50 each time, and I’m not doing that again. The end of 2022 just wasn’t a good time for me to be studying nothing; I had too much going on. I will take the test at the end of this month though, just pray my strength in the Lord for passing because this exam wasn’t cheap either!
o Body Image. I’ve been focusing on eating better and working out more - for 2 reasons: 1) to lose weight and 2) to pass my annual fitness test for the military. I’ve lost about 10 pounds in the last month and a half BUT it seems I’ve hit a plateau, so I’m going to have to step it up a notch. I was so anxious about passing my fitness test that I found it very difficult to focus on much else (like studying for the certification), even when I wasn’t working out. My anxiety has been through the roof during the month leading up to the test but no one would have ever known because I internalize it so much and subsequently cause myself other issues. Like, I had a headache almost every day last week leading up to the test, which made it difficult to then exert a bunch of energy to continue preparing for said fitness test. I also found myself kind of moody because I was so stressed, but I didn’t want to talk about why. The why was that I felt a lot of pressure to pass because I’m an officer and I am supposed to be a positive example, so I didn’t want to endure the embarrassment of failing (and I’d never failed before). I also knew that I’m heavier than I’ve ever been and less fit than I was last time I tested; and to top it off, I couldn’t explain to my leadership (who are all men) why I wasn’t able to prepare as much in the months leading up to the test (see last blog). All in all, I did pass last weekend and I’m proud of that too! *wipes sweat*
o Reading. My reading goal for this year is to read more books than I did last year (check out my 2022 Reads) AND to complete all the books I’ve started in the last couple of years but haven’t yet completed. With this goal, I plan to spend less time on socials all year, but for now, I’m plugged back in!
Now enough about me.
