7 Tips to Help You Love Your Partner Better
I want to be the first to say that I am not an expert on how to love … but what I do know is some of what it takes to be a better lover. A viable relationship in the pursuit of longevity is a constant work in progress. My husband and I are constantly evolving, every day it seems. While we may look perfect in pictures, trust me, we don’t always get it right, perfection is not reality. So, as I continue to embark on this love journey, if I may offer you any valuable tips on how to love your partner better, here’s the 7 I would give, with some Beyoncé & Drake to accompany you on your journey …
Listen.
Song: Listen by Beyoncé
“Listen, to the sound from deep within, It's only beginning, To find release…” Listen to understand, not just to respond. Active listening involves being engaged and perhaps asking questions to help the conversation along. Listening does not mean do what I say, when I say, & how I say do it. Your partner is not your child and you shouldn’t treat him/her as such. Listening could mean that you’ve shared you wanted a particular thing or to do a particular activity, and when the time comes (perhaps Christmas, a birthday or anniversary), your partner surprises you with that thing! How sweet could that be? lol He/she was actually listening to you (and taking mental notes) so they could do something to make you smile. But more importantly, listening should also mean that if your partner voices his/her concerns to you about something, you being a good listener would take their concerns into consideration and start making the necessary adjustments. Finally, nobody likes having to repeat themselves constantly about the same topic, especially when opening up and pouring out their feelings. “And I've tried and tried, To say what's on my mind…” So, put on your listening ears!
Be submissive.
Song: Controlla by Drake
“Do things when you want me to, like controllaaaa, controlla…” Why does being submissive in a relationship come with such negative stigmas? If you’re Type A personality, this can be extremely challenging, but this is where I encourage us (women as well as men) to actually take heed and follow the direction of our partners sometimes. Hear me out. Not every decision deserves a debate and not every hill is worth you dying on (figuratively speaking). Sometimes it’s best to just shut up and take a backseat, and let your partner drive. When you’re a very logical and literal person like myself, this can also be very challenging to do, but so is trying to be in control of everything all of the time. Some of y’all are out here claiming to want to be in a relationship, but can’t take direction or constructive criticism from anyone. Oop, did I step on any toes? Be a good leader by being a good follower/submissive sometimes!
Communicate.
Song: Hotline Bling by Drake
You already know the saying, “communication is key.” Nothing could be closer to the truth than that statement. Communicate often and about everything, even the things that seem relatively minute (my-NOOT). Effective communication fosters understanding and trust. Pillow talk often gets a bad rap, but realistically, it’s where some of my most candid, transparent, and realest emotions are revealed and epiphanies are manifested. I understand that opening up can be very difficult for some people and that it requires a level of comfortability and vulnerability, but it can also make a bond stronger. There is growth in effective communication. “You used to call me on my cell phone…”
Love them in their love language.
Song: Love on Top by Beyoncé
Among the 7 tips I have, this one may be the most difficult in my opinion. If you and your partner have different love languages, you must be intentional about expressing your love to them in the way that they perceive love. If you are going out of your way and doing things for your partner because those are things you would want done for you, you are essentially just wasting your time. Your efforts will be better spent and received by focusing on the ways that your partner views being loved. I saw a meme a while back that said something like, “you out here buying her Birkins [love language: receiving gifts] when all she wanted was a hug [love language: physical touch].” That was hilarious to me because I related to it, I felt that! I recently shared with my husband that lately I believe we have gotten caught up in doing things for each other that we would rather have done for ourselves. Like I’d rather spend quality time primarily, just he and I away from EVERYBODY, on the flip side, he feels like as long as we’re in each other’s presence, it doesn’t matter what else is going on around us. He enjoys physical touch primarily, while I’m not really big on that at all (working on it … trying to be more affectionate). All that to say, when your love languages differ, it requires you to get creative in ways to love your partner in their language. “Finally, you put my love on top!”
Spend quality time.
Song: Be With You by Beyoncé
This is one of the love languages and I may be biased (call me out lol), but how else can you create a quality connection without spending quality time with someone? I mean, I just believe they go hand-in-hand. When you spend enough time together, hopefully you learn how to listen to your partner better. Additionally, time spent together fosters opportunities to communicate, to laugh together, to understand how to love your partner how they need to be loved (in their language), and to seek God together constantly. They say, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,’ but can spending time together not have the same effect? You learn a lot about a person when you spend a significant amount of time in their presence. “I’d rather be with you, ooooo yeahhhh…”
Laugh together.
Song: Laugh Now Cry Later by Drake
“Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry … but I guess you know now…” There are very few things that can compare to having a partner that you can laugh, joke, and play with. Sharing a great belly laugh with each other can turn a dismal situation all the way around. Also, learning someone’s sense of humor or being with someone who has one even, can enhance your bond. I encourage you to learn your partner’s sense of humor (if you haven’t already) …. I’m still learning mine! When you learn someone’s sense of humor, you can laugh together and not be offended as much in the event that a joke is cracked on you. I don’t know about you but being able to laugh together is a must for me, it’s a requirement! I personally cannot be in a relationship where we are always serious and dry. I need someone that I can laugh with when we’re not even supposed to be laughing, but we can merely look at each other when something odd is transpiring around us and we just get it. We laugh at memes together, we laugh at our kids, and we laugh at each other. Try it out, I promise you’ll love it here!
God.
Song: God’s Plan by Drake
Where would any of us be without God? When God is at the center of your relationship, everything is infinitely better. When times get hard or when things go left, having God in the midst helps re-center and re-balance your relationship. Always keep God first. Period. “I can’t do this on my own, someone watching this * up close … God’s Plan”
