Why I’m Content With Having Just One Baby

Disclaimer: I am slightly open to having one more child because that’s what my husband wants, but I don’t foresee it happening any sooner than within the next 4 years. Realistically though, we both know that this is MY body and that God has the final say. Now … let’s hop into this topic!

To everybody who has said, “You gon have another one,” “Your son needs a sibling,” “He’s making room for another one,” “You gotta have a girl,” “You have to have another one before he turns…” and all of the other nonsense, STOP CLOCKING MY UTERUS! The statement that bothers me the most is “he needs a sibling,” as if he doesn’t have an older sister already. The disrespect …. Then people follow up with, “yeah but he needs someone who is going to be there all of the time” ..… oh ok.

Reason 1: When I was younger, I dreamed of having 3 children - 1 boy and twin girls. My mindset completely changed (for various reasons) once I experienced a miscarriage, however. After the miscarriage, I had a conversation with God in which I proclaimed that if he were to bless me with one successful pregnancy, one healthy baby, I'd be happy and satisfied with that. I am. I am completely in love and fascination with my rainbow baby. He amazes me everyday. He’s so smart, he’s so fun, and he’s so cool. He’s practically perfect! Saying that he is special is an understatement. This is part of the reason it is hard for me to fathom having another one. Right now, I just want to love him and give him all of my attention without focusing on another baby entering the group chat full time. I don’t want to miss out on just learning him. And not for nothing, since I know what loss feels like, I am not in a rush to live another 9 months in fear, worry, doubt, and the pressure to be perfect for a baby growing inside of me. Sure, the scripture tells us that God does not give us the spirit of fear, but believing that does not eliminate worry and uncertainty. Additionally, I am not in a rush to give up certain privileges again and start back breastfeeding either.

Reason 2: Lack of support. I am thoroughly grateful of my mother for staying with us for 3 weeks post delivery. I don’t know how I would have made it without her in those first few critical days - weeks. She cooked, cleaned, helped out with everything regarding the baby, and even kept him in her room at night sometimes just so I could get some quality sleep. After my mother left though, I was pretty much on my own and the nights were the worst. I always wanted to move out of Alabama, and as “luck” would have it, I got the opportunity when I met someone who lived out of state. However, I never considered the potential difficulty that having a baby and being away from my family and friends would pose. There was a spell where my baby would just get so fussy at like the witching hours of night and cry nonstop for a while. I thought he had colic but I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. During this time I was very exhausted, probably experiencing some post-partum depression (although I didn’t want to admit it), and I was super lonely. Where was my husband, you ask? Well, my husband is the owner-operator of a transportation business and at the time, he was transporting loads that did not always bring him home every night. Nights when he was away he slept in his truck close to where he would deliver the next morning (often out of state). Therefore, I had no help with the baby. When my husband returned home, his sleep was priority due to the nature of his job, so when baby woke up at night, it was still just me and baby. Now I probably could have asked someone in my husband’s family to come by and sit with me to keep me company or help with the baby, but I’m not the type of person who asks for help. That’s a personal weakness of mine. I know women do it all by themselves with multiple kids and a newborn, but in all honesty, that’s not what I signed up for. All of that being said, this is another reason that having another child is very low on my priority list right now. Our support system would have to ramp up significantly.

Reason 3: In case you didn’t know, my husband came with one child already, so in my opinion, two is plenty especially right now. Also, as we all know, when a woman gets pregnant, you typically don’t know what you’re getting. With that, I personally do not have an interest in having a girl anymore (so imagine my thrill when we found out we were having a boy lol). My husband would love to have another girl (or a girl with me as he says). For me, if it happens it happens. I’m not interested because primarily ….. HAIR and sass lol. If we have another girl though, we are getting on somebody’s hair salon schedule, ‘caus I don’t have time lol

Reason 4: Freedom. If you are a protective type of parent, the more children you have, the less freedom you typically have. Due to circumstances, my husband and I dove right into family life and did not have a typical honeymoon phase. I miss that. I miss what it was like when we were just dating. We are still young and there is so much we still want to see and experience. I am personally not interested in just making a lot of money and raising a bunch of kids with very little fun in between. With the children we currently have, it has already been challenging to find consistent, dependable, and trustworthy childcare. My husband and I are very selective about who takes care of our children. Yet, we intend to have freedom to date each other and travel together because that’s relatively imperative to the success and longevity of our marriage.

Reason 5: Finances. Though we are working towards financial freedom, the potential to be wealthy one day does not entice me to have more children. I would rather live extremely financially comfortable with just 2 children and be able to easily provide for their futures, than to live any bit uncomfortably with more children and have nothing prepared for their future or ours.  

Reason 6: Pregnancy, labor, delivery, and post labor. I had a very good pregnancy overall, but every pregnancy is different. During labor however, I couldn't fathom how we women, in our right minds would want to go through labor and delivery multiple times. Pain is temporary, but it was EVERYTHING during those hours. So, in a strange twist of events, here is the part two of my labor and delivery story. Post baby delivery was somewhat traumatic and something I wish to never experience again in my life. After I delivered my baby son, my placenta remained stuck to my uterus. My husband sat beside holding our baby as we all waited for my placenta to descend. In the meantime, the nurse midwife stitched me up. Time kept passing and it became crucial for the placenta to be removed because if the placenta remains 30 minutes or more after delivery, you run the risk of severe bleeding due to the uterus being unable to close properly and prevent blood loss. The midwife waited for an acceptable amount of time and then informed that she was going to have to “go up and get it.” The thought was terrifying. I was not sedated and I don’t recall being administered any medication for this procedure, other than something topical in the area, but there wasn’t much time for other options. Moments later, the midwife reach up and tore my placenta from the wall of my uterus. This action was actually more painful than the actual non-medicated natural birth I had just had. I. am. traumatized.

So, please stop projecting your thoughts and beliefs on other people. Women go through a lot with pregnancy, trying to get pregnant, and having a baby. Aim to be supportive of whatever a woman chooses to do with her body.