Moving Away
Moving away from all of my family and friends was one of the toughest challenges I’ve faced over the last 2.5 years. Put into perspective when I think about it, I only know a couple of people in my life overall who can even relate to this. About 98% (rough estimate lol) of my family, friends, line sisters, associates, etc. have never experienced living more than 300 miles away from everyone familiar to them. Then, when you add in all the nuances that come with having a baby + lacking the constant support of family and friends, I can only think of one other young family who has done this, and they had neither of their families nearby.
In case you didn’t know, I’m from Montgomery, Alabama. I grew up in Montgomery and a small city 30 minutes outside of Montgomery called Wetumpka. Montgomery is small and Wetumpka is even smaller. So to be honest, I always wanted to move out of Alabama because it wasn’t somewhere I imagined spending my whole life. I attended college in Birmingham and worked in Huntsville for 8 months. As of late, I have stated that if I were to live in Alabama again, it would have to be Birmingham only. Needless to say, I met my husband and that’s how we ended up in Greensboro, North Carolina. Why we settled on this particular city, beyond it being his hometown, is a story for another day. However, in Greensboro, the majority of his family and friends are here, or nearby … and that’s cool or whatever, but it’s …. different. For me, it has been different and difficult mostly because I have friends and sisters who are so dope and supportive and family (especially my parents) that are undeniably supportive and dependable, which makes being far away even more challenging. Also because they are familiar to me, there’s also a level of comfortability associated too. Other than the wives or girlfriend of a couple of my husband’s friends, I don’t have any friends in Greensboro; and truthfully we mostly only see each other when it’s all of us together. I’m okay with that and not okay with it at the same time. I miss happy hours with my besties on a random Tuesday or Thursday or them stopping by just to kick it. Sometimes I’m content with how things are because it’s like here it’s mostly just about tending to my little family, and I settle for seeing my friends when we plan trips together or when I’m home in Alabama. Other times though, I miss having a small group of my own friends here that I made on my own organically.
I was never afraid of moving away from everyone I know and love, but I probably also romanticized the idea before it actually happened, imagining that it would go a certain way and it did not end up going that way. The openness to moving away mostly happened when I was younger, single (unmarried), and childless. Prior to, I had never conceptualized the potential challenges I would face after having a child without consistent, dependable, considerate, voluntary support nearby. After having our son, after my mom went back home, there was a period of time that I felt EXTREMELY lonely and sad; I tear up thinking back. Only God could have brought me through that phase. I am so blessed that my parents are such great grandparents to my son, so I miss having them close. Without them or people like them nearby, we have had very few luxuries of date nights since baby Jai was born, or back up people when our children are sick (which means one of us missing work, usually my husband, and as a business owner, when he doesn’t work, he isn’t making money). As a childless individual, you are typically thoughtless about the importance of having a trustworthy and reliable village to help fill in the gaps for you when you need to stay late at work because you had to leave earlier on other days to pick up the child/children from daycare/school, but your husband has been getting back in town from working after the pickup time every day this week, so it’s your turn again! You tend to undermine the necessity of having people who will happily and graciously (and sometimes voluntarily) watch your child/children for a few hours or a weekend every now and then, just so you and your husband can get a break AND/OR just to refocus on each other, because spending quality time together as a husband and wife is just as important after the child as it was before. But again another topic for another day. However, we are finding ways to create that village now.
Although I can’t make it to every birthday celebration, holiday, Mother/Father’s Day, baby shower, or funeral because I moved far away, I am grateful I get to see my family and friends many times throughout the year. People often ask me why I haven’t transferred to a military squadron/unit in NC yet for the mere sake of convenience, and although there’s a multifaceted answer to that question, one of the main reasons is because I get to see my people about once a month at least! And for now, if for nothing else, that’s a sacrifice of time at my civilian job, time travelling, money, and losing sleep I’m willing to make because they are worth it.
One thing this transition has allowed me to do is grow and become even more independent than I was before. That’s not to say that I don’t need people, because I do and I have desired to have certain, important people be closer in distance obviously, but that’s not my reality right now. So, I suck it up and carry on instead of dwelling on the negatives. I am learning that I should ask and should have asked for help from my husband’s family with our son, instead of expecting it to be offered. I have recently been empowered to go beyond my comfort zone to meet new people, because believe it or not, I am pretty introverted. I am also following through on my goal to join my sorority’s local chapter with the hopes of meeting other ladies with similar interests, and even though I constantly wonder about having the time to be active, I’m putting myself out there anyway.
Moving away can be intimidating but if you’re considering it, weigh out the pros and cons. Pray about it. I’d still encourage you to go for it if it feels right and the stars align. And then, when you do it, make the most of it!
What’s the farthest you have ever moved away and for how long?
How did you meet new people?
